“Star Wars for adults!” That overused expression was what circled the internet when the show ANDOR landed on Disney+ (and oddly when people talk about Denis Villeneuve’s remake of DUNE). Tons of reviews, both critical and user-based, spouted that line (or something similar) over and over. And for some reason, that really, really got under my skin. What did they mean by that?

The original Star Wars, while clearly a stylized old-west in space, had a lot of adult themes. An oppressive, totalitarian Empire that boarded ships and killed who they liked. Stormtroopers who killed Luke’s Aunt and Uncle, leaving them as smoking corpses. Not to mention arm-cutting, bounty hunter murder, and planet-wide genocide. “Hey kids! Wanna see billions of people die? Hey, stop crying, this isn’t for adults! Ya pansy-ass kids.”

Empire and Jedi both had copious amounts of murder, betrayal, loss, incest-kissing, and sacrifice. Huh, bloody well sounds like a Game of Thrones ep to me. So why was ANDOR suddenly “Star Wars for adults?”

Then it hit me… they—the people who say this—don’t actually like the core of Star Wars. Or as to not sound like a total gate-keeping asshole, what I feel to be the core of the Star Wars universe. That being, the technological juxtaposed with the spiritual/magical. Or in other words: space fantasy. Not just space opera, but actual fantasy, complete with a fully-functioning magic system, monsters, knights, and one bad-ass princess.

That’s what pulled me into Star Wars. If I want moral philosophy in space, I go watch Star Trek. If I want gritty noir, I go watch Blade Runner or 2001. But when I want that mystical feel among the stars, I go to Star Wars.

So when I watched ANDOR, I was kinda “meh” about the whole thing. I mean, it was shot well. It had some clutch moments. A heist angle for one mini-arc. A prison escape. And some cat-and-mouse political thriller points. And of course, the moment when the oppressed people rise up and fight back… just like every other story out there. But it didn’t click with me. Mostly it came off to me as being purposely designed to be completely bereft of Jedi, Lightsabers, and the Force. You know, the things that kinds sorta (absolutely) makes Star Wars what it is and sets it apart from its peers. Instead, I watched a bleak, cold, blue-gray-filtered-looking depression quest following Diego Luna’s titular Andor who stumbled in and out of events like a space-faring Candide. His approach was to stand somewhere, do his shifty-eye look-around thing, and then move to the next scene. Reductive? Yes. Am I skipping over Mon Mothma’s go-nowhere story or Luthen’s activities? Little bit. But hey, apparently I’m just a child. What do I know? Boring, slow, and oppressed is apparently what “adults” want. Unless you mean the exact same things in a well-told story, like Arcane or Season 1 of Carnival Row.

Seems to me, the showrunners wanted a Blade Runner-feel, but in Star Wars. And if I’m being brutally honest with my opinion, ANDOR did nothing better than the other sci-fi it was clearly emulating. It was a copy/paste of other space noir but without the skill. I know that’s harsh, but it’s my opinion. There were parts I honestly liked, but at the end of the day, Blade Runner will always be an icon while ANDOR will be just another Star Wars show.

Quick aside: do you like basketball? Who doesn’t, right? Either professional or just shooting some hoops with your friends, it’s a great time. But, what if we added full-contact? I mean, balls out, I ram into you and knock you on your ass when we’re in possession of the ball. I mean, I guess you could hit me back. Grab the guy with the ball and slam him down hard onto the pine. Hmm… we’d need helmets and pads of course, but I think it would make it more fun, trust me. Oh, and I think that if we added a few more players, preferably one person with a strong arm to launch the ball down the court, so that another person could catch it to set up a score, that would make basketball better.

In case you haven’t caught on, this is just adding football to basketball. Because the fictional speaker doesn’t just like football, they want more football in everything. Almost like, gosh, they don’t appreciate the game of basketball for what it is.

Are you catching my meaning?

The more I thought about it, that whole “Star Wars for adults!” thing, the angrier I got. How goddamn belittling is that? For adults? Tell me oh high and mighty website, do you really need to subversively push someone down to make you feel good? What the actual fuck? Sure, yes, some of the best Star Wars stories (aside from the OG) came out of the books or from Dave Filoni’s CLONE WARS and/or REBELS shows. Yes, they’re animated, but they’re solid stories that are tied deeply to the Star Wars universe and its lore.

So who the fuck are you to say this is proper Star Wars?!

… Sigh, kinda like how I’d declared a few paragraphs ago that “the real” core of Star Wars was space fantasy? You know, like a hypocrite.

So with that bit of humility swallowed, I had to look past my opinions and at the franchise a whole. Especially the fans. And man… we are toxic. While the prequels weren’t my cup of tea, all you need to do is look at the stories of what fans did to folks like Ahmed Best or Jake Lloyd. Lloyd retired from acting in 2001 due to bullying at school and harassment by the press. Ahmed Best admitted to thoughts of suicide due to the barrage of harassment he received for voicing Jar Jar Binks.

And the sequel trilogy? Woof. Kelly-Marie Tran received constant sexist and racist comments online for playing Rose Tico. All the while Rian Johnson seemed to revel in provoking old-school fans by calling them “man-babies".”

You could say that the actors need thicker skin. Conversely, folks could show an ounce of humanity/empathy and NOT harass actors for playing the parts they were hired to play. Unless of course, you’re an idiot who thinks the people on the magic talky-box in their living room are real-real. As for Rian Johnson and his actions online? Well, the old internet axiom still stands: don’t feed the trolls.

… Even if his smug face is so goddamn punchable.

Having criticism is okay. Having a different POV is good. Now, do I think that a HUGE ASS SWATH of people online will take any fucking intellectual property and turn it into a political statement? Yes. Yes I do. Whether real or imagined, it’s what people do these days. And it sucks. But that’s echo chambers. Some people want to live in them. Drink their respective cool aid or else face being ostracized.

Some folks will always call the Disney era of Star Wars a “blow to the patriarchy.” Other folks will always call it “woke garbage.” And some folks will just say “meh?” But the reality is, it’s still Star Wars. And saying it’s not the “real” Star Wars is a douche move, no matter what camp your come from. Even though it’s anathema to God’s will, pineapple pizza is still pizza. Just not the pizza I want.

Cards on the table, I have not really enjoyed the Disney era of Star Wars. There’ve been a few things I liked. Elements/parts of each show or movie. But as a whole, I feel it’s a product instead of a passion. But that’s me. When something feels manufactured, lacking heart, then it reads that way in the script, pacing, plot, and pathos of the characters. As such, the bulk of Disney Star Wars, again . . . to me, doesn’t feel fresh or enriching. Mostly comes off to me as being devoid of original ideas, choosing instead to rehash old material -or- creating contrary for the sake of contrary. I’m sure some folks love it all just because it’s more Star Wars. Just like there are folks out there who hate it because it’s Star Wars. And that’s okay too. It’s your opinion.

So this May the 4th I urge fans of any beloved IP to discuss, listen, politely disagreed, and be wise enough to walk the fuck away when necessary. Odds are I will never convince someone that their opinion is wrong, just like they won’t convince me. But I will hear their words and dwell on them. Possibly even shift my perspective a bit and at least try to see it all from a certain point of view.

… except pineapple pizza. That slice of shit can go to hell.

Live Long & Strong

~Gibby