Pre Question - So, who are you?

Nicole Thorn, or Cappie, if you want. I write books, sulk, and knit sometimes. I also try to be funny, because I need validation.

1. Are you “An Author” -or- “A Writer”? What’s the difference?

Writer, I guess. I write more than books, so I can’t really say I’m only an author. I also write bad jokes and stupid facebook posts.

2. What is your biggest failure?

It’s got nothing to do with books, so I won’t bum you guys out.

3. What genre do you love the most, hate the most, and possibly want to try your hand at writing

Paranormal is my preference, but I dabble in more humany things. I wouldn’t do anything without romance, since I would get bored.

4. What’s worse, a bombastic “this sucks!” 1-star review, or a “meh” 3-star review?

I’d rather have the three stars, because I’m fragile.

5. How comfortable are you with writing sexual scenes?

I was really squirmy at first, since I had no clue what I was doing. But I have at least one sex scene in most of my books, so I kind of had to get used to them. I totes know how to do sex, so that helps.

6. What is your creative Kryptonite?

The internet. Bright colors. Music. TV. Food. The wall. Everything distracts me.

7. What popular movie/book/music, which others adore, do you secretly despise?

I’m a sucker for a couple YA books, but I’m really into musicals right now. Like… really into them. I make my cats uncomfortable with how much I sing to them.

8. What is the worst criticism you ever received? How did it make you feel?

Someone left me a review that said I went for the easy sell in one of my books, and it broke my heart a little. I try to do things that I don’t read a lot, so the last thing I want to hear is that I remind people of something, or I sold out. I’m too poor to be a sell out.

9. If you could have one “do-over” in your life, what would it be?

Again, nothing to do with books, but I would have fought a little harder for a friend I lost for a while. Teens, what can ya do?

10. How long/how many rejections did you get before someone gave you your shot?

Hahaha. If I kept track of that, I would be crying in a gutter. I got rejected hundreds of times, and I still do very often. I can’t imagine there will be a time when I don’t get rejected.

11. What was the last movie/book which made you cry?

I watched The Last Five Years about a week ago and it hit a little close to home. I had to listen to the goddess Anna Kendrick singing the exact things I was feeling at the time.

12. Which writer’s trope are you the most sick of...and possibly caught yourself doing?

I worry I make my characters a little too cliché sometimes, so I guess that.

13. On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your writer’s ego?

None. I think I’m an awful writer most days. Okay with making stories, but meh on the actual writing part. It’s amazing anyone likes me.

14. Do you have any scars (mental or physical)? Which one(s) is/are your most memorable?

Loads. I’m really pale, so I scar easy. My brain is made of mental scars, which I won’t go into detail here. I’ll just say that there’s a reason so many of my characters have abuse issues.

15. Have you ever been in a fight/punched in the face? How did/would you react?

No, but God I want to. Since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to punch someone in the face. I don’t know why….

16. What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters with sexual identity different from your own?

I don’t have a problem with that. I can identify with whoever’s POV I’m on, so I can pretend for a little while.

17. How hard is it to read a book for enjoyment after you began writing books? Since you “know how the sausage is made” are you more lenient or harsher on other authors?

Yeah, I notice a lot of grammar errors now, and if they need an editor. I will never be able to get past word echoes. It sticks out like a sore thumb.

18. Some authors write to share stories. Others write to mask pain. Why do you write? And no “because I want to tell stories” answer. Why do YOU write?

I write because it’s a really great way to purge pain. If I get it all out on paper, then it doesn’t hurt as much. It’s the first real outlet I’ve ever had, and it helps me figure out exactly what’s wrong with me. It happens to be a lot of things.

19. One day, on a nice autumn fall-walk in the woods, you bend down to tie your shoe. It’s then that you notice the most beautiful flower. You pick it and that’s when you hear a scream. The flower is screaming in pain. From all around you, you hear more screams. Deep, horrible screams. The branches of the trees sway and move. “You pick one of us, and now we shall pick you,” a screeching voice cries out. The trees begin to uproot themselves as jagged, twisted maws appear on their trunks. You are miles from your car and the forest is alive with vengeful vegetation. You can have one weapon of choice, a luxury item and three books, what do you do?

I would put the books down because they wouldn’t help me. I would also put the luxury item down, and hope I had a flamethrower as a weapon.

20. OK, last chance here...What would you like fans, and potential fans, to know about you as a person?

I feel like they can already tell I’m not a sane person, so… I don’t know, maybe that I have the entirety of the Haunted Mansion ride memorized. Yeah, that’s what they should know. Splash Mountain too.

Thank you so much for your time Nicole! If you want to know more about her, please check out her info below!

Facebook.com/NicoleThornAuthor

https://twitter.com/NicoleThorn

@CappieThorn on Instagram

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Jonathan Edward Ondrashek. Heads up, this interview is a little "saucier" than usual, which includes harsh(er) language, references to naked celebrities, a Fleshlight, and an odd make out session w/a Punky Brewster doll....enjoy!!

Jonathan Edward Ondrashek loves to spew word vomit onto the masses. He’s had an array of poetry, reviews, articles, and interviews published in the past decade. His short stories have appeared in the anthologies Fifty Shades of Slay and Rejected for Content 4: Highway to Hell. His first two books in The Human-Undead War series, Dark Intentions and Patriarch, debuted in 2016. He’s also co-edited two anthologies: What Goes Around and Man Behind the Mask. If he isn’t working at his day job, reading, or writing, he’s probably drinking beer and making his wife regret marrying a lunatic. Feel free to stalk him on social media. He likes that shit.

1. Are you “An Author” -or- “A Writer”? What’s the difference?

I think both words describe the same creative type: A person who has created any form or multiple forms of literature, such as poetry, short stories, novels, memoirs, songs, blog posts, articles, brochures, greeting cards, and the like. I think the major difference is that a ‘writer’ constantly pursues the craft, while ‘author’ generally implies the individual has published work but isn’t necessarily still writing.

I refer to myself as a ‘writer’ but I maintain a public image of being an ‘author’. People outside the industry seem to scoff at ‘writer’. They obsess over an author because that term is (often mistakenly) associated with success and fame. This skewed perception is why I practice duality in my creative titles. (Could also be a case of split personalities or something. I’ll have to consult with the other voices in my head and get back to you on that. Could be a while though. Some of them are fucking assholes.)

2. What is your biggest failure?

I don’t fail. I learn.

3. What is the worst lie you ever told?

I once told a band I would reach out to producers to help them get their CD out there. I then told them I’d gotten hold of someone connected to Jack Osbourne, and he’d thought it wasn’t good enough for the masses. I regret that lie; I was much younger and wanted to be cool, be part of the scene, and I lied to cover my fraudulence. Not cool.

I live by integrity nowadays. My downfall for the past 15 years has been that I’m brutally honest. Lying gets you nothing but regret, so I’d rather hurt feelings with truth.

4. Do you Google yourself?

More than I did “The Fappening”, yes.

5. How would your friends describe you? And what about your worst enemy?

I’m not the same “let’s go out and fuck anything that walks and pump our bodies full of any drug placed in front of us” guy I used to be. I’m okay with that. I’m married, with a demanding full-time job, a kid, pets, and all the typical adult responsibilities. But many of my friends have been holding that against me. So I think some of them would say I’m lame, and I’m a hypocrite because I’ve changed. Other friends who also live this type of lifestyle would say I’m a funny, honest, admirable dude who’s pursuing his dreams and doing right by his family.

I think my worst enemy would say they wish they still had a good friend like me in their life.

6. What is your creative Kryptonite?

My inner editor. That nagging fucker never shuts up.

7. What popular movie/book/music which others adore, do you secretly despise?

I haven’t been so secret about it lately, but I despise anything by Stephen King. Yeah, yeah—a horror writer dislikes the horror king. That’s fucked up, I know. In my defense, I’ve tried reading his work and can’t trudge through the first chapter—any first chapter. I don’t feel he’s the solid writer everyone makes him out to be. I’m also not disillusioned: I’m not anywhere near the greatest. My royalty payments thus far have proven that. But I’m not being hyped up by the masses. He is, and I don’t understand why. Many on the indie scene are better and more innovative than he is.

8. What is the worst criticism you ever received? How did it make you feel?

One of my best friends told me, in different terms, that I’m a shit editor and writer simply because he disagreed with a social media post discussing an objective editing tip (which professional editors all agreed with). That hit me square in my man nuggets. I couldn’t write or edit for months afterward. It wasn’t even legit criticism, but his lack of support and refusal to acknowledge my hard work ushered the black dog in. It took a few more publication credits to realize I didn’t need his validation.

9. What is a secret you’ve never told anyone?

I made out with a plush Punky Brewster doll when I was about 5 or 6 years old. Like, stripped it naked, fondled it, and frenched it. I had problems back then. Might explain some things now…

10. How long/how many rejections did you get before someone gave you your shot?

I received 13 rejections from various agents and publishers over the course of a year before landing a contract with The Publisher Who Shall Not Be Named. A year passed. After having my release dates pushed back and witnessing some appalling deeds done to fellow writers within the house, I was let go, as were many others. Within months, and with no further rejections, I landed a contract with Burning Willow Press.

11. What was the last movie/book which made you cry?

I Love You Phillip Morris. My cousin had given me a bootleg copy, told me Jim Carrey starred in it, and said I had to watch it. I’d thought, “Cool. Jim Carrey. Must be a fucking hoot.” It’s not something I’d typically watch, but I was riveted. Fucker made me leak like a severed artery.

12. Can you describe a single, personal moment in your life which made you, you?

Nope. I think it’s a culmination of life experiences, and will continue to mold me until my wife decides to suffocate me in my sleep.

13. On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your writer’s ego?

A 2 on some days, an 8 on others, but mostly a 6. Depends on my mood and whatever circumstances are occurring at any given moment.

14. What is your first dream you can remember?

My brother was off to Boy Scout camp, and we went to visit on Family Night. Shortly thereafter, men wearing ski masks arrived, made a hundred people cram into a cabin, and held us at gunpoint. The camp was hiding treasures in some of its Indian artifacts (totem poles and whatnot) and they wanted to know where it was. They started killing people when they didn’t get answers. My father, mother, and two sisters were all shot in the head point-blank. My brother and I somehow escaped. We got to the giant pike wall surrounding the campgrounds and had to climb it. As I scrambled to the top and tossed one leg over to the side of freedom, my brother got shot in the back. I screamed and tumbled off the wall. I woke up screaming.

My brother actually was at Boy Scout camp at the time, and Family Night was that night. Imagine the terror I felt going to that place!

15. Have you ever been in a fight/punched in the face? How did/would you react?

I’ve been in several fights. The first one ended with me slamming my opponent’s head into a car door several times, then laying on him until he begged for someone to pull me off. He might have gotten a punch in, but I don’t recall feeling it.

I have been socked in the face, but each time I’ve been too pissed and pumped full of adrenaline to feel it. I’m sure I will some day. So long as it’s for a justified reason and not some bitch-move shit, I’ll take one to the chin and be proud.

I let instincts control my reactions, and they haven’t let me down yet.

16. What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters with sexual identity different from your own?

I’ve written mostly straight characters because that’s my only life experience with sexual identity, but I have written a few minor LGBTQ[insert whatever letters I’m missing here because it seems to grow daily and I’m behind everyone by about 6 years] characters. I treat them as I would any character: A human with complex thoughts and emotions; someone molded by their personal experiences; someone true to themselves, or as true as they know how to be.

17. What do you feel the most pride in? And what makes you feel the most shame?

I’m both proud and ashamed that I didn’t go to college. Proud because I’ve accomplished things some with fancy degrees only dream about, yet ashamed because I was a high honors student who could’ve gotten a free ride to virtually any college or university I chose.

18. I see you are drawn to horror-fiction. What about it makes you need to write it?

The adrenaline rush I get from making others squirm is the fuel I need in life.

19. While at a writing convention, you are talking to some other horror writers. You all are having a good time swapping stories and BAM! The doors to the con fly open and in float freaking witches and faeries. They transport you to a realm where you are surrounded by elves and pixies and pretty colors everywhere. But, they all seek your blood and want to know what human tastes like. You can have one weapon of your choice, three books and one luxury item...what do you do?

I’ll take a Fleshlight, the three largest Stephen King novels in existence, and a machete.

Step 1: Chuck the Stephen King novels at the nearest figures to catch them off guard.

Step 2: With my machete, slice at anything that moves until everything stops moving.

Step 3: If I survive, whip out the Fleshlight and rub one out. If I’m already fucked, I’d rather it be enjoyable!

20. What would you like fans and potential fans to know about you as a person?

Nothing brings me greater joy than seeing people carry books or ereaders around. Turns me on. If you happen to see me in person and you’re guilty of carrying such things with you, expect a leg-humping. You’ve been warned.

Thanks Jonathan! For more information check out the following!

Blog: www.jondrashek.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/JondrashekAuthor

Twitter: www.twitter.com/jondrashek

Amazon: http://amzn.to/2f8IWXe

Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2g1n4OM