Michael Gibson
Did Quarantine Madness Make Me Like Fate The ...

A tremendous amount of incredible world-building was done in the season’s six episodes. That in itself will bring me back for a season 2. - So when thinking about this show, and the litany of fantasy TV on right now, I decided to rank/micro-review the shows I’ve binged during the quarantine.

Did Quarantine Madness Make Me Like Fate The Winx Saga? -Or- Ranking Fantasy TV Can Be Fun

opinion

May the 4th Be With You… Unless You’re an Asshole —OR— Coming to Terms With My Own Toxicity

“Star Wars for adults!” That overused expression was what circled the internet when the show ANDOR landed on Disney+ (and oddly when people talk about Denis Villeneuve’s remake of DUNE). Tons of reviews, both critical and user-based, spouted that line (or something similar) over and over. And for some reason, that really, really got under my skin. What did they mean by that?

The original Star Wars, while clearly a stylized old-west in space, had a lot of adult themes. An oppressive, totalitarian Empire that boarded ships and killed who they liked. Stormtroopers who killed Luke’s Aunt and Uncle, leaving them as smoking corpses. Not to mention arm-cutting, bounty hunter murder, and planet-wide genocide. “Hey kids! Wanna see billions of people die? Hey, stop crying, this isn’t for adults! Ya pansy-ass kids.”

Empire and Jedi both had copious amounts of murder, betrayal, loss, incest-kissing, and sacrifice. Huh, bloody well sounds like a Game of Thrones ep to me. So why was ANDOR suddenly “Star Wars for adults?”

Image from SomethingAwful.com

Then it hit me… they—the people who say this—don’t actually like the core of Star Wars. Or as to not sound like a total gate-keeping asshole, what I feel to be the core of the Star Wars universe. That being, the technological juxtaposed with the spiritual/magical. Or in other words: space fantasy. Not just space opera, but actual fantasy, complete with a fully-functioning magic system, monsters, knights, and one bad-ass princess.

That’s what pulled me into Star Wars. If I want moral philosophy in space, I go watch Star Trek. If I want gritty noir, I go watch Blade Runner or 2001. But when I want that mystical feel among the stars, I go to Star Wars.

So when I watched ANDOR, I was kinda “meh” about the whole thing. I mean, it was shot well. It had some clutch moments. A heist angle for one mini-arc. A prison escape. And some cat-and-mouse political thriller points. And of course, the moment when the oppressed people rise up and fight back… just like every other story out there. But it didn’t click with me. Mostly it came off to me as being purposely designed to be completely bereft of Jedi, Lightsabers, and the Force. You know, the things that kinds sorta (absolutely) makes Star Wars what it is and sets it apart from its peers. Instead, I watched a bleak, cold, blue-gray-filtered-looking depression quest following Diego Luna’s titular Andor who stumbled in and out of events like a space-faring Candide. His approach was to stand somewhere, do his shifty-eye look-around thing, and then move to the next scene. Reductive? Yes. Am I skipping over Mon Mothma’s go-nowhere story or Luthen’s activities? Little bit. But hey, apparently I’m just a child. What do I know? Boring, slow, and oppressed is apparently what “adults” want. Unless you mean the exact same things in a well-told story, like Arcane or Season 1 of Carnival Row.

Seems to me, the showrunners wanted a Blade Runner-feel, but in Star Wars. And if I’m being brutally honest with my opinion, ANDOR did nothing better than the other sci-fi it was clearly emulating. It was a copy/paste of other space noir but without the skill. I know that’s harsh, but it’s my opinion. There were parts I honestly liked, but at the end of the day, Blade Runner will always be an icon while ANDOR will be just another Star Wars show.

Quick aside: do you like basketball? Who doesn’t, right? Either professional or just shooting some hoops with your friends, it’s a great time. But, what if we added full-contact? I mean, balls out, I ram into you and knock you on your ass when we’re in possession of the ball. I mean, I guess you could hit me back. Grab the guy with the ball and slam him down hard onto the pine. Hmm… we’d need helmets and pads of course, but I think it would make it more fun, trust me. Oh, and I think that if we added a few more players, preferably one person with a strong arm to launch the ball down the court, so that another person could catch it to set up a score, that would make basketball better.

In case you haven’t caught on, this is just adding football to basketball. Because the fictional speaker doesn’t just like football, they want more football in everything. Almost like, gosh, they don’t appreciate the game of basketball for what it is.

Are you catching my meaning?    

The more I thought about it, that whole “Star Wars for adults!” thing, the angrier I got. How goddamn belittling is that? For adults? Tell me oh high and mighty website, do you really need to subversively push someone down to make you feel good? What the actual fuck? Sure, yes, some of the best Star Wars stories (aside from the OG) came out of the books or from Dave Filoni’s CLONE WARS and/or REBELS shows. Yes, they’re animated, but they’re solid stories that are tied deeply to the Star Wars universe and its lore.

So who the fuck are you to say this is proper Star Wars?!

… Sigh, kinda like how I’d declared a few paragraphs ago that “the real” core of Star Wars was space fantasy? You know, like a hypocrite.

Image from AZ Quotes

So with that bit of humility swallowed, I had to look past my opinions and at the franchise a whole. Especially the fans. And man… we are toxic. While the prequels weren’t my cup of tea, all you need to do is look at the stories of what fans did to folks like Ahmed Best or Jake Lloyd. Lloyd retired from acting in 2001 due to bullying at school and harassment by the press. Ahmed Best admitted to thoughts of suicide due to the barrage of harassment he received for voicing Jar Jar Binks.

And the sequel trilogy? Woof. Kelly-Marie Tran received constant sexist and racist comments online for playing Rose Tico. All the while Rian Johnson seemed to revel in provoking old-school fans by calling them “man-babies".”  

You could say that the actors need thicker skin. Conversely, folks could show an ounce of humanity/empathy and NOT harass actors for playing the parts they were hired to play. Unless of course, you’re an idiot who thinks the people on the magic talky-box in their living room are real-real. As for Rian Johnson and his actions online? Well, the old internet axiom still stands: don’t feed the trolls.

… Even if his smug face is so goddamn punchable.

Having criticism is okay. Having a different POV is good. Now, do I think that a HUGE ASS SWATH of people online will take any fucking intellectual property and turn it into a political statement? Yes. Yes I do. Whether real or imagined, it’s what people do these days. And it sucks. But that’s echo chambers. Some people want to live in them. Drink their respective cool aid or else face being ostracized.

Some folks will always call the Disney era of Star Wars a “blow to the patriarchy.” Other folks will always call it “woke garbage.” And some folks will just say “meh?” But the reality is, it’s still Star Wars. And saying it’s not the “real” Star Wars is a douche move, no matter what camp your come from. Even though it’s anathema to God’s will, pineapple pizza is still pizza. Just not the pizza I want.

Image from georgelyonsbuyscars.com

Cards on the table, I have not really enjoyed the Disney era of Star Wars. There’ve been a few things I liked. Elements/parts of each show or movie. But as a whole, I feel it’s a product instead of a passion. But that’s me. When something feels manufactured, lacking heart, then it reads that way in the script, pacing, plot, and pathos of the characters. As such, the bulk of Disney Star Wars, again . . . to me, doesn’t feel fresh or enriching. Mostly comes off to me as being devoid of original ideas, choosing instead to rehash old material -or- creating contrary for the sake of contrary. I’m sure some folks love it all just because it’s more Star Wars. Just like there are folks out there who hate it because it’s Star Wars. And that’s okay too. It’s your opinion.

So this May the 4th I urge fans of any beloved IP to discuss, listen, politely disagreed, and be wise enough to walk the fuck away when necessary. Odds are I will never convince someone that their opinion is wrong, just like they won’t convince me. But I will hear their words and dwell on them. Possibly even shift my perspective a bit and at least try to see it all from a certain point of view.

… except pineapple pizza. That slice of shit can go to hell.

 

Live Long & Strong

 

~Gibby

 

 

Fantasy TV Burnout -Or- Why Am I So “Meh” about Rings of Power/House of the Dragon?

No matter how old I get, part of me will always be like Bastian, that kid who lived in a land of make believe w/their head in the clouds. Kind of a “no shit” statement considering what I do/write for a living. So when the Sci-fi & Fantasy (SFF) media revolution began in the late 90’s/early 00’s, you can imagine how I, along with the rest of the nerds of the world, rejoiced. Like the Goonies, this was OUR TIME. And over the last two decades, SFF remained the dominant entertainment media.

 And I’m—I’m kind of getting tired of it.

Image from Meme generator

 Don’t get me wrong, I still consume SFF as much as the next nerd. But the sheer volume of pop culture saturation has me just kinda . . . burned out? Desensitized and apathetic.  Maybe it’s like a porn thing, you know? The adage that the more you consume the more you become numb to the medium, thus forcing deeper searches for either the truly excellent or the truly bizarre to pique your interest. Eh, who knows? Anyway, when the media heralded the coming of Rings of Power and House of the Dragon, I just kinda shrugged. So with that burnout filter in mind, here are my quick reviews of the latest entries of prestige fantasy drama. (If you don’t want to hear a middle-aged dude rant, then skip to the end where I try to redeem myself by listing shows I really like/recommend)

 

Image from IGN

House of the Dragon (HoT-D!!)

 So right out of the gate, this show is obviously going to be compared to its predecessor. Impossible to separate them due to nerd zeitgeist. But considering how GoT ended, metaphorically like a stinking, loud wet fart after what had been some great sex, all the show had to be was better than that. And as such, my overall opinion was . . . it was safe. New actors doing and saying the same old thing in the old same places we’ve already seen. “Oh . . . look, it’s King’s Landing, the Red Keep, the Iron Throne, the Small Council, the Hand of the King, Maesters, family/house names we know, and . . . oh boy, white-haired Targaryen women with dragons wanting to be queen . . . again.”

 And this is just me talking, but once you’ve seen Tyrion, Tywin, Littlefinger, Varys, Queen of Thorns plotting and sniping, or the sheer self-serving malevolent insanity of a Geoffrey, then the best HOT-D had to offer was little league at best by comparison.

 Without a looming threat like the White Walkers or a legitimate external threat to give the internal strife context, and the fantasy elements just being “hey look, a dragon . . . neat,” then the show boiled down to elite 1%’ers fucking and fucking each other over. The Real Housewives of Westeros if you will. I know that’s reductive, but it’s my opinion.

Image from The Wrap

 Then there were the time jumps, where whole sections of the cast were changed, leaving them without enough screen time to care about, let alone giving a damn when they have “a shocking death.” You want me to feel something for brown-hair generic son #2’s grisly dragon-back demise? Seriously?! Please, I was cheering for his death. When Ned Stark died it had an impact because we spent an entire season (1st book) with him (seemingly) as the main protagonist. Subsequent deaths in the OG GoT show followed the same formula: spend copious amounts of time with them, get to know their multi-faceted character, then kill them. Brown-hair generic son #2 (not gonna bother looking up the name) may have been cool in the book, dunno, didn’t read it. But on screen, he and most of the kids were as captivating as room-temperature water paired with unsalted crackers. And when the king died it was a goddamn blessing as we watched him literally fall apart for most of the season.

 Now all that being said, I still gave this show 4 out of 5 dragons. For my gripes, I can’t deny the production and the acting skills of Paddy Considine, Matt Smith, Emma D’Arcy, Eve Best, Rhys Ifan, Olivia Cook, or Milly Alcock. Each of them played their respective characters with gravitas as they wove a The Crown-like level of royal storytelling strife. So, I’ll watch season 2, but man I hope they give us something new. Again for the record, no I did not read the book . . . books? Are there more than one? I don’t know and I’m not gonna bother looking that up either. Mainly because if a show is going to be a show, you shouldn’t need a companion guide. Speaking of which . . .

  

Image from IMDB

Rings of Power (RoP)

 Oh dear lord, where do I start? Do I need to have read outside the Hobbit and Lord of The Rings proper to know what’s going on? Because I didn’t and I don’t know or care what a Silmaril is. I do care about how the show constantly cherry-picks lines and rather specific turns of phrases from the LoR. And man does it ever feel, what’s the word I’m looking for . . . cloying? A saccharine, excessively sweet play on nostalgia that filled the screen with Peter Jackson ‘member-berries instead of crafting a world of their own. Well, that’s not true is it? According to Screenrant,  Amazon has the rights to adapt The Hobbit and the appendices of The Lord of the Rings, but not The Silmarillion and Unfinished Tales. So the showrunners made their choices on how they want to tell their tale which came off to me as mostly piss-poor character archetypes that border on stereotypes, plot contrivances, and boredom.

 So. Much. Boredom.

 So let’s address the elephant in the room. Galadriel. To me, she’s an asshole. Maybe in 3000 years, she’ll be the Cate Blanchette version, but here in the 2nd age, she’s kind of a prick. They might have been going for strong and stalwart, but somewhere between the writing and the acting, they ended up with prick. I mean, if you’re gonna milk archetypes, then go for Steve Rodgers from MCU. A constant, dedicated, and capable character sure. But most importantly self-aware vice self-righteous. Humility, even a touch of self-depreciation, endears an audience. Now with all that said, Yes, Galadriel was a driven, capable warrior. And yup, she was 100% right that Sauron had survived and was out there despite everyone telling her no. And boy I’m so glad the plot let her realize who Sauron was at the very end for . . . like, no discernible reason, considering she was thirsting for him hard for most of the show.

Image from Reddit

This version of Galadriel is a villain pretending to be a protagonist. Aside from leaving troops to die (to which I don’t blame said troops for their mutiny one bit,) remember when she performed a soliloquy to a captured Adar? The one where she will keep him alive just so she can kill every orc in middle-earth, only to then tell him that all his children are dead and then kill him? Yeah, that’s called genocide.

 Man, wasn’t there an internet movement a while back about Tolkien and D&D, where certain “monster” races, which were considered “evil,” being coded as basically non-white people in fantasy? And here we have Galadriel talking about exterminating them all? I’m not one to whip up an angry twitter mob or anything, but umm . . . like, you know? Moving on.

Image from Reddit

 As for the rest of the characters, I honestly didn’t care about them. Not the Scottish dwarves, the Irish Hobbits (Harfoots?), the Stranger who is clearly Gandalf (too soon arriving in middle earth I hear? Maybe its actually Saruman?), the discount Aragon/Sauron, and not this version of Elrond who looked like Neil Patrick Harris’s inbred cousin. Oh, and the one healer lady/single mom who led the southland humans, you know how I knew she’d be the leader of that group? Not because she was brave, fearless, or whatever they were trying to convey, but because she was the only person in the village not covered in mud, had all her teeth, and spoke like she went to an Oxford finishing school. In fact the only characters I liked were: Ismael Cruz Cordova’s Arondir, Sophia Nomvete’s Princess Disa, and Joseph Mawle’s Adar. Their respective tales and POVs I actually found myself enjoying.

images from Den of Geek, British GQ, and Epicstream respectively

 But like the above review, I have to give credit where it’s due. It’s clear Amazon sunk a buncha money into RoP. The show looked mostly great and yes, there were some actual cool moments. I don’t care if that’s how volcanoes are made, that whole ep was pretty solid. And like HoT-D, I didn’t hate RoP. I was . . . whelmed. Not over or under, just whelmed. But by the end, for me it was sadly just another generic fantasy show without an identity of it’s own. Middling writing with fancy production to hide the lack of actual multi-dimensional characters. A very weak 3 out of 5 Balrogs for me. And I’m not alone. Check out The Guardian’s review HERE.

 So yeah, maybe it’s me. Maybe these are amazing shows and I’m just burned out. But I have a feeling I’m not the only one feeling the SFF burnout. No shade being tossed to Top Gun: Maverick, as it’s been dominating the box office. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if that flick had come out even 5 years prior during peak MCU, Star Wars, etc, I think it would have been a blip. But as it stands now, folks are raving about this movie. My guess is that folks are hungry for something else. Something simple with as many practical effects as possible. Wonder why?  

Recommendations

 NOW, so I’m not a total asshole, here are some “recent” shows (SFF and standard fiction) I’ve greatly enjoyed for their writing, character work, and having a unique identity. Arcane being the current gold standard of where storytelling and visuals meets solid AF character work.

Images from their respective parent sites.

As always, feel free to leave a comment of message me directly on Facebook or Twitter to tell if I’m right, wrong, or somewhere in the middle.

Live long and strong

~Gibby

Am I Sexist for Believing that a Fat Man is Better than a Wonderful Woman? -Or- Has Quarantine Made Me Finally Go Crazy?

Before I go into this comedic rant and/or movie review, please know I don’t take the reason for quarantine lightly. My heart goes out to those we’ve lost and those afflicted/affected. I wish for better times and relief as soon as possible. So with that being said . . .

Oh COVID quarantine, thou art a cruel dick. Sure, there are tons of things to watch on the various streaming services. But just like the Star Wars movie franchise, only about a third of the material is worth your time. (Not you Mandalorian, Rebels, and Clone Wars. You’re perfect just the way you are). But I managed to see one movie I was expecting to like, which I didn’t. And one movie I thought would be laughably bad which I fell in love with. Wonder Woman 1984 and Fatman. 

- Images from IMDB and Amazon respectively


So let’s start with Wonder Woman 1984, the cinematic equivalent of standing in line at a theme park. You know, two-and-a-half hours of waiting for two minutes of enjoyment.

Like many Americans (suck it the rest of the world who doesn’t have HBO Max) I settled down Christmas evening 2020 to watch the hotly anticipated Patty Jenkins-directed Wonder Woman sequel, Wonder Woman 1984. Based on the trailers, I was ready for the color, the music, and the action of an 80s era superhero blockbuster. Woo!

Then I watched it.

Huh. That--that was a movie. Hmm. Well, to the rest of the world I previously mocked for not having HBO Max . . . it looks like I and the rest of my country are the ones who should suck it.

Look, there are a lot of better think pieces and opinion blogs/movie reviews out there who have already covered this topic. By now I’m sure you’ve seen one of twenty of them. And like everything else in this country, the opinions are as polarized as those ridiculous glasses my mom bought back in the 80s. Damn you QVC. 

- Image from Youtube

So my Bottom-Line-Up-Front review is this: Boredom. Wonder Woman 1984 was total and absolute boredom with occasional moments of actual caring. I told myself that in 2021 I was going to be less critical. To point out positives even when I don’t like something. But, c’mon man, did ya see the movie? Okay, I can do this. Whew. Here we go. This dull as dishwater story . . . damn it . . . this “movie” was an introspective look at an immortal being who feels isolated and alone during the decade of decadence. With wanton avarice, greed, and sexism as the accepted norm, Diana must remind herself that there is no shortcut to life or happiness, And, and sometimes you have to fight aginst those dark forces.

There, I did it!

. . . That being said, it was also a tonal mess that undercut every pro-women message the original movie set up, ironic as this movie was written by Patty Jenkins herself. This film paints Diana as still pining (eh?!) over Steve Trevor, the first guy she ever met/fell in love/slept with/and knew for a total of like seven days, over 60 years prior. So when it came time for her one wish, the educated, beautiful, successful, glamazon wished for her old flame, the one thing she needed to be complete. The movie also has also been lambasted for the non-consensual sexual contact with the body Steve inhabits, as well as propping up middle-eastern people for the skinny white woman to smack around.

Sorry sorry. I’m trying to be better, but New Year’s resolutions are hard. But I’m disappointed since I really dug the first movie. But like I said before, there are far better thinkers than me who have pointed out the virtues and flaws of this movie. For me, I regret to say I nothing this movie. Neither liked nor hated. It falls sadly in that “I’ll likely never watch it again” level of apathetic viewings. Glad that I saw it with an HBO subscription and not in a theater.

But when I was at my lowest, somehow Mel fucking Gibson made me feel hope again.

Wow, I never thought I’d ever write that sentence in my life. Which brings me to another movie I watched very recently, Fatman. 

- Image from IMP Awards

If you haven’t heard of it, or seen the trailer, then here’s the pitch: When a rich/spoiled child gets a lump of coal for Christmas, said evil kid hires a contract killer to assassinate Santa Claus.

I’ll take a moment to let that sink in.

At first, I thought this was going to be one of those R-rated, good-bad movies. A laughable premise that commits to the bit and is entertaining for the run. And, it was that, but so . . . so much more.

You see, this movie had what Wonder Woman didn’t have, heart. Santa, you see, is at a low point. More and more children choose naughty over nice. And as such, fewer toys are made. And as a result, his revenue stream to pay his workers and cover facility costs are cut in half. (Yeah, somehow Santa gets paid by the government. It’s weird, but go with it.) So to makes ends meet, Santa begrudgingly has to accept a military contract.

Look, I know this sounds crazy. But when you see the movie, you’ll soon come to realize that this relatively low-budget indie-flick is a character study that has oceans of pathos under the surface, and it all comes out in the eyes and actions of the lead characters. Mel Gibson’s Santa is a tortured soul that feels like he let down the children of the world. Marianne Jean-Baptiste’s Mrs. Cringle is the rock that holds Santa up. She is his strength and his partner. Their beautifully acerbic dynamic is the heart of this movie. And the always A-game Walton Goggins plays an idiosyncratic hitman who has his reasons for accepting the contract to kill Santa.  

- Image from TV Fanatic

This, for me, was the movie I needed to see in these times. A tale of someone who struggles. Who loses their identity. Looses what they love. But, finds their resolve, their passion, and their hope once more.

Plus it didn’t have the normally awesome Pedro Pascal reduced to playing an unctuous Trump-parody villain . . . who kinda looked like Bill Murray’s character from Kingpin, Ernie McCrackin.

But like all opinions, they are subjective. If you love WW84, who am I to say otherwise? I’m glad you liked it! If you saw Fatman and thought it was bad . . . then you are a horrible person without a soul and will likely die cold and alone.

:)

Hope you have an amazing 2021. Live long and strong!

 ~Gibby